Our cooking plan

And in a few hours, I like to put it that way - than 2 days, 2010 will be a page of the past. And while we await in utter mystery as to what lies in store for us in the days to come, Babi and I have decided to bake a New Year cake for all our friends here in the Military Station and send it to them on New Years.

It is meant to serve two purposes:
1. To enjoy our favorite pass-time : Cooking and Baking.
2. To thank all our friends for their love and support in the year that passed.

We are still to fix a menu, but we have our eyes stuck on the Nigella Lawsons recipe - Old Fashioned Chocolate cake.
I am also pasting the link onto the recipe that you will find on her website. Will share the updates on the baking as we go ahead with it. Really hoping it takes off well.

The link : http://www.nigella.com/recipes/view/old-fashioned-chocolate-cake-119

GOSH, I MISS MY WIFE

This blog was written when Mrs. B had gone to her home for 02 days. Couldn't post it then, doing it now.

I apologize in advance for the domestic nature of this post. I know that domestic posts are narrow and boring, and well beneath my talents as someone with a doctors degree. I won't blame you, my hypereducated audience, if you think that posts of this nature are beneath your intellectual abilities too, and decide to simply skip this post. But there's a long academic tradition of people thanking their spouses for all their support in the acknowledgements of their books, so please take this in that sense.

You know, I just don't know what I would do without her. I went to take a shower just now, and saw the laundry I'd left hanging over the shower bar two days ago. I'd just completely forgotten about it! My domestic skills are so bad. Anyway, I removed it so that I could shower, and then remembered that when I'd hung it up, I'd put in another load. And it had been sitting in the other room for a while! Now, last time Mrs. B. went out of town, I forgot about the milk on the stove and almost burned down the building. Determined not to fuck up like that again, I had made up my mind this time to make everything go spic and span. I took extra care about the milk and also I went to the next room before my shower and put it in the wash basket. Then I thought, since I'm here, I might as well just put another load onto the basket, so I did. Then off I went to take a shower.

And when it was time to eat, man - thats when I miss her the most. Not that I dont like the food she has cooked and kept in the fridge for me, but now when I eat it, I miss her all the more. The aroma from the food is driving me nuts. Out of hunger and the pangs. Who is so silly to tell their wives that they will manage it all by their own? Only us egghead academic types, all brains-on-sticks. Or maybe it's just because I'm a man, and illogical or absent-minded or something. Anyway, I went and heated the food, boiled some rice and had it. Alone. Brrr.

And then I got out of the eating episode to see that I left the milk outside the previous night and it had fermented and become something like a mould (something I had promised myself against), and now Brownie misses her so much that she wouldn't eat the 'tasty' food I cook for her. Again, my domestic skills are just so sloppy. When will my wife the housekeeper come home and save me from myself?

And then I thought immediately about gender roles. Maybe Mrs. B. is better than I am at this housekeeping stuff just because she's doing it, maybe if I simply paid more attention I'd be good at it too. And then I realized, wait. My friend Raj's home was almost the same when his wife had gone away for a few days. So obviously, this housekeeping stuff is innate, not learned! Plus, the cooking! It's gotta be natural.

Although I love to cook, I haven't cooked a meal since my wife left. Just goes to show, cooking just doesn't come naturally to me. So I think.

And my girlfriend, too. First of all, I have a girlfriend--but Mrs. B. doesn't have a boyfriend. So it must be natural for me, as a man, to stray; therefore, it makes sense that Mrs. B. stays home to keep the house. Keeping a good house is her way of making sure that my natural wandering nature still wants to return home. Also, my girlfriend is a really great cook! And her house is so clean! And she has linen and silk sheets on her bed, and down pillows, and house plants, and art on the walls. Just goes to show, it's not just Mrs. B.: all women obviously have this natural domestic talent.

So I can't wait 'til my wife comes home and saves me from these petty, boring, domestic details so that I can get back to what I naturally do best: Important Doctor Stuff.

You know, like writing EAT HEALTHY blogs.

I so WANT to. I do.

Yeah, there are so many things I want to do still. There are so many things I want to learn. Sometimes I also think of having a change in career, but then I also love what I am doing. Sometimes I feel like a young teen who is still not sure which one to choose from so many things he wants to be. But my case is different - I have become what I always wanted to be and getting here I want to explore options. For many doctors their ambition is to be a specialist or a super specialist and keep adding degrees to the already long graduation degree MBBS. But for me, the ambition was only to be a doctor - and that I have achieved and thus that makes me a content man when it comes to career goals.

Ok, so what are the things I want to do before I am gone? Here are a few to begin with:

1. Learn dancing.

Waltz, Tango, Salsa, Jive, Ballroom dancing, Jig and Hip hop. I would also like to indulge in a lot of Bhangra and Bollywood style dancing.

2. Learn Taekwondo.

What I like about this martial art is, it combines combat techniques, self-defense, sport, exercise, meditation, and philosophy.

3. Learn professional cooking.

That isnt surprising is it? Being a son of an executive chef, it was but natural that it be in my blood. I so love cooking and would love to learn a lot more about the same. What I particularly would love to learn is about Chinese and Continental cuisine, with special emphasis on baking cakes and pastries.

4. Learn photography.

Photography is all about the 'eye for detail' and no matter how much you are trained, if you dont have that eye for it, its all in vain. I think I have that 'eye' I have already over emphasized about. Just a little more direction to it and I promise to be much better.

5. Learn to use Photoshop.

There is so much that can be done using a Adobe Photoshop and always whenever I get close to learning a bit, I get caught up and forget what I learned before I get back. I want a good teacher to set that right for me.

6. Holidaying in Rome, Egypt, Seychelles and Paris.

These are places I always wanted to go with my special person. Now that I have 'that' person in my life - I cant wait to get there.

7. Do bungee jumping.

Though that scares the shit out of me, I firmly believe that its going to be worth the adrenaline rush.

9. Host an international show.

Everytime I stood on stage compeering some event, I have always wondered how it would be to be there entertaining an international audience. Maybe like an award night or a global fashion show. Aaah, don't think that is ever going to work. Hmmm.. :(

10. Interview Oprah Winfrey.

Man, I have always always admired this lady and capacity to interview.

11. To have atleast a 50 goggles.

12. To go on a family vacation to Mauritius.

13. Buy mom an expensive diamond necklace.

Well, thats it for now. Writing this just makes me realise that our list of wants never end. But if I could achieve all this, guess I wont ask for more. For the time being that is.

Peace. :)

Unlike button PLEASE. Pronto.

I want to blame it on Facebook. Today the things we do in our lives is either like or dislike. And saying that I so hope that FB comes up with a dislike/unlike button – whatever sounds better, asap. There is so much of random shit floating around in the internet.

The past few days of my life is the phase where I would copiously should have used the unlike button. I mean, look at it. I have the most beautiful home, a wonderful wife, an awesome bunch of local friends – who are as fun loving as us, a wonderful unit, fantastic climate – rains and the cool weather, I am on leave(to top it ALL) – but I am having to study(Unlike button pressed 10000 times here!). I have that terrible life changing interview coming up and I cant fully allow myself to go off the leash. I have mentally programmed myself to be in front of the books most of the time. But the fact is, 75% of the time I am just allowing my mind to wander in the meadows like a free bird or a cow..and the other fraction of time I realise that my ass is on fire and I don’t have much of time in the hour glass and I study.

I haven’t been with books for nearly 4 years now, and to get back with them with a bang is so undesirable. It feels more like they are ‘getting back’ at me. I am sure you all would have clicked the unlike button with me if you were to go back to books – all over again. But being a doctor, what I am so sure about is that this journey with books is going to be a undying thing. And I am so not liking it.

Just the last week, I had talks with a senior about how it is to pursue MBA etc etc..and join something in mass communications.. and I shared that thought with my wife – who nearly lost it. Haha. But then again, I realised that I love my job. It fits me so perfectly and left to myself, I just want to continue doing what I am doing. I seriously do not want to add that paragraph to my degrees because I am totally satisfied with my job. The social pressure is something I need to come in terms with. Don’t you think that most of our life changing decisions have a lot to do with what the society desires from us. How many of us would just ignore the social fabric and take a really bold decision, which might say offend a lot of people. Trust me when I tell you that I have faced with some of ‘those’ situations in real life and people who already know me personally know how I chickened out of it to suit the social taste. That brings us to the point where I have to admit, from personal experiences again, that chickening out of something you really love doing/love to do, is much more nerve obliterating than going ahead with it. Because if you had put up with the fight, you would have got what you really really loved and that should have made it worth it all. But here you lose both ways. And as usual, I have wandered, like that cow I mentioned earlier, and reached a topic that has nothing to do with my unlike button.

So getting back, I like to say that the rat race and blah blah; the time and tide blah blah; the opportunity and door crap blah blah, all might be true – but having to do something when you are not actually ready to do that, but still having to do that, and that too by giving your best is something I so not-like(unlike!).

So if you were here, would you press the Unlike? ;)

(Ok, now I have crossed the line – back to books or the meadows.)

Julie and Julia

Julie and Julia is a movie released in 2009 and it revolves around Julia Child and Julie Powell - both of whom wrote memoirs - find their lives intertwined. Though separated by time and space, both women are at loose ends... until they discover that with the right combination of passion, fearlessness and butter, anything is possible.

There are lots of things I grasped from this movie and to enumerate the most important few are:

1. The road into leading a emotionally and professionally satisfied life is by doing what you love/enjoy doing the best. Everything else just becomes a mundane routine - something like a tangible. But this gives you the reason to wake up early excited and to burn that midnight oil motivated.

2. To reach where you want - you really need to slog. You need to have your ass on fire. You might be doing the thing that you like the most, but that only makes it easier - but the ass, you still need to forsake.

3. There is no shortcut to success. Motivation and endurance are the only ways to reach there.

4. Its not just important to do something you need to do in excess for a while and then totally forget/sleep over it. You need to keep on at it, and there lies that key to success.

5. It is impossible to have a path of roses. If you dont find a path, you make one. And that you make for yourself would be the easiest for you to tread cos you know where and how and everything about where it takes you.

6. You shouldn't wait for the entire world to be happy for you. Any happiness you get - you make yourselves.

7. And the most important thing of them all - you need that special person in your life to see you through it all. Who would give you that extra push every time you need one. It really makes the ride more easy and one thats worth it all. Your spouse.

In conclusion, I highly recommend this movie to every person who like movies in the genre : Romance, Comedy and Motivation. See it and you wont be disappointed. Trust me.

An Ode to the Navy Ball Dance

Oh, we still are basking in its glory. And for those who came in late – My wife and I won the Navy Ball Best Dancing Couple Prize. Any guesses what the super duper prize is? It’s a citation with a gift hamper for a pressure cooker of 03 litres. Imagine! That’s the great prize. But trust me – we couldn’t be happier. I am going to give you all the details about that night.
Well, it was Wednesday and I get a wall post on Facebook from my teacher once and now a very good friend, Surg Cdr Wilson, asking me : “Navy Ball beckons you, where are you?”. Well, to be really frank, I wasn’t really sure at that point of time if we really were going to go. I had just got back from a temporary duty from Trichy which is in Tamil Nadu, we had a lot of social commitments pending and that which required urgent attention and to which we did give our time, lots of pending shopping for Babi’s kitchen and etc etc. In conclusion – an interview I have on Dec 23rd is glaring at my face, and I was no where. And at the same time, I had my friends who were literally burning their midlight oil studying. So Babi and I were like..should we actually go for it??
Then on Thursday I get this call from the same person mentioned above asking the confirmation of our arrival and that he had got our tickets. Well, I guess when something has to happen, it just happens. So knowing that we really dint want to let him down. But I guess more importantly than that, we really really wanted to go. Its just that we were trying to focus on more important things. But then in a moments time we decided that we were going to go and that very second we got our tickets done and hey, we were all set to go!
Thats when the hell broke loose. I fell ill. Imagine. I am not the kind of person who normally falls ill, but here I am shivering with temperature of about 103F and coughing my lungs out. And it was like there was no way I was going to come out of it. To top it there was a commitment Babi had in the unit, and we also had to meet Babi’s parents. All put together – the result NO looked us straight in the eye. I for one hate taking meds, but this once I was so steadfast to pump myself with the strongest antibiotics possible just to make sure that I could breathe properly. I got my 6B uniform ready and got my shoes shining and waited expectantly for my fever to subside.
Just when I was about to cancel my tickets, the same day, my fever subsided considerably, Babi got her excuse and we could succeed in convincing her parents that we wont be able to make it. And thus we packed our bags and set out. Our train was nearly an hour late and the traffic in Kochi, the place where the balls was, is unbelievable. But the couple – Sir and his wife, kept waiting for us and we had the most most warm welcome from them and an unexpected member of their family. Romeo – their Lhasa Apso. He is such an adorable dog that we got more late cuddling and playing with him.
Anyways, finally we got to the NAVY BALL 2010. I must tell you – the arrangements that the Navy had was commendable indeed. And in no time, we had 09 very pretty girls setting the ramp on fire with aesthetically measured steps as they cat walked on the arena. That done and the winners announced, it was time for the real thing. The Ball!
We started of just enjoying the music and swaying to the pop music they started of with..which progressed to retro to bollywood to Punjabi. Man, was the DJ good or what. And there they announced that there was a prize for the best dancing couple. Though we were really reluctant to go there at first, Sarath, Shruthi and Sarath’s sisters convinced us into going there. And being there – we were almost sure that we lost it. Because there were o2 couples right there doing the most commendable salsa I have ever seen. They had nailed it. I told Babi that we would just go to the background and leave the war front. But Babi told me that we need not compete, but just would enjoy the music and dance. And then we danced and danced and danced..and after about half an hour of dancing to various genre of music – they announced the names. And there we were doing a dance on stage for the audience. And we walked down the stage with style, prize in hand.
This by far was the most exciting time I had at any major party, the first big award I got for dancing, after the one I had won with my best bud in a ball dancing workshop back in college in 2003. I think there is nothing more liberating than dancing unleashed. And to have been honoured for that – wooooaaahhhh.
Ok, now that we are back, here is the update and off I go back into that dismal world of books. Sometimes I think I should have done better as a dancer/actor or a VJ. But..

Life - the celebration never ends.

Dear friends,

I have finally settled into our new home, in our new station and at the cost of blowing my own trumpet, its a delight. And all thanks to my wonderful wife for the same. Converting a house into a home is a mammoth task - so I have heard people say, and being there I saw those lines actualizing in front of me. Oh boy! It really was a tough ride, but well worth it too.
The next few days are really crucial for me...a few exams lined out for Babi and me...have taken a few extra appointments which is going to cut down on the domestic time...Brownie is at her naughtiest best...and most importantly - the year is nearly over and its about time to introspect and evaluate.
While I am at it, I get reminded of a few things my mother always told me at various junctures in life and that which when I put together makes me believe that no matter how hard you try to avoid, life almost always dishes out the best for you in whatever ways it can.
When I was a kid, my mom says I used to rant and cry telling her that I wanted to go to school with the other kids. Now this is when I was just 02 or maybe 2.5yrs old. Then she would say, "Son, once the schools begin, you are going to miss the no-school phase. So now just play and be happy." Mom says she could not convince me into buying that and I finally joined my first school when I was nearing 03 yrs of age. It did not take long for me to see those lines mom told me unfolding right before my eyes. And then I wanted to quit school at 05, but then you know what.
Then as I grew older, I would tell mom that I wanted to launch into college asap and that I hated school. Then she would tell me that what one misses most in their lives are their friends from school and the care free days of that time. How they grow up together and become friends for a lifetime. Again, I would call it 'bullcrap!' in my mind and pray for the 'suffering' to end.
Thus ended school and over to college now. The first few days in college was terror personified for me. Armed Forced Medical College, with a junk of seniors armed to blast you into the minutest pieces possible - that was my initial impression. And again, the voice of mom haunted in my ears. And like how I couldnt stop going to school, I couldnt go back to school again ever. That phase was long gone now.
About college, well, you all would have guessed. Because those seniors I mentioned above went on to be my best friends and in college, like all of us, I made a few friends I cant live without. But the complains remained then too. I again told my mom that I would rather slog and work my ass out at work than be here in the college and hostel studying. And by now you can guess what my mom must have told me. And even today after all those years, one place I want to go back is college – the place that made me what I am today.
When I was an earning bachelor, mom told me that the good times have begun because I have no responsibilities now and I had money in hand. She then told me the importance of money and how to use it wisely. She also told me that the carefree days will end after a marriage and so to live life to my own terms then. Then I got married, and contrary to popular belief I don’t think its really tied me down at all. Infact now I have a full-time companion and life’s been a roller-coaster ride from there. But there have been times when I have thought of my days as a bachelor and how nothing meant more to me than my own freedom and my own happiness. How anytime was the right time and how any day could be a late-night party day. My mother still holds fort. She says, restrictions come with the arrival of a baby – till then you are free birds in the sky.
And as I think about all these wonderful things that she has said, I know that when a baby comes in, we couldn’t be more happy. And then maybe I might miss the time I am in now. And as the children grow up and get into doing all those annoying things that I did when I was growing up, I might want to see them as the naive innocent babies they once were. And when they grow up into nice and responsible citizens of the nation, I would miss their growing up years when I would see them doing their homework or studying or watching tv or updating me about their latest crushes in school or of a baseball match.
Then to see them go through all the triumphs and failures that you have gone through and share the moments with them as Babi and I grow old and count our last days on the planet - I will always remember what my mother told me. Every second of our time is precious. You may not realise it at the moment you are living it, but every one of those countless moments will be cherished like priceless jewels at some point of time in life. The sooner one realises it, the more time one has to live life to the fullest and make the best possible use of it.

"A life spent making mistakes is not only more honourable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing." - George Bernard Shaw.

Live life to the fullest people, because these times will never return.

How to use an Indian Toilet.

This was a poster that I found in the rest room of a restuarant in Kovalam beach, Trivandrum. It was so hilarious, yet so explanatory that I had to upload this.

So, thats how you use an Indian Toilet.

Summer Blues

Not, the blues as such. But more that summery blue which some days fills up your entire head and sweats you down to your toes. It's not sadness, but rather, it's reflection. It's a little weary at times, but nothing a good book and a chilly cocktail cannot remedy...

I cannot express how sorry I am for being so quiet here of late. I'm sort of here, but not really - reading blogs like a lurker - not commenting, just absorbing... Not giving back to my faithful friends for their efforts and heartfelt accounts of life and living. But I shall no more be this way.

I feel this summer has thrown me into a world of unknowns, some exciting, and some a little frightening. Or all a little of both.

One thing I can assure myself and you of, is that I am growing. I am challenging myself to be braver and bolder than ever. I may feel a little cocooned at present, but I am nearly ready for blooming.

Like the wintery twigs,
which seem lifeless and still,
inside are growing,
and plotting pink blossoms
for the spring.

Friendship day is here again!

Gosh, here it is again. Friendships day I remember was such a riot back in college. Phew...popularity used to be judged by the number of friendship bands one sported. I used to join the competition too, and it was so much fun having to get friendship bands tied, from even the most indiscreet, talked-to-never person in the college. Because it was all about the numbers. It really did not matter who tied what, but the numbers, yes - thats what it was about.
How things change over a period of time. I hardly remember most of the people who tied those bands to me once, I also dont remember many I tied to. Many to whom I said that this is going to be a bond for ever never talk to me anymore and many who said we are BFF (best friends for ever) have taken different paths, ones that wouldnt ever meet. I dont even know if I missed my chance to know somebody to whom this meant something while they tied it and I also dont know if some very dear friends then still remember how it was to meet up and celebrate friendship on the first Sunday of every August.
Hmmm.. I know I miss some of them. But I am not sure if I would try hard and find out where they were and what they did and how to get to them. I just like to think about them and feel happy about the good times shared. Some of those relationships ended really bad, and it still pains to think of the time we broke the chains. But those were needed then and I cant complain. But at moments like this, I feel a definite palpable void in my life that their absence has made. I somehow just want to know that they all are doing fine out there, somewhere.
Well, hopelessly sentimental already...so I need to stop right here. Happy weekend and Happy frienship day y'all. Have a memorable one.

A pause from the summer heat

when you are feeling blue
(as sometimes we do)

find a short moment

to be as a shimmer tree

from your top-head
to your toes

flap flare and flash
bend arch and plume
shim shake and shiver

let leaves fall
and new buds grow

sing with the breeze,
howl with the wind,
cry with the rain,
smile with the sun

for a short moment
if you can,
put off that which binds
your heart

and shimmer

In the arms of an angel

Spend all your time waiting for that second chance
For the break that will make it ok
There's always some reason to feel not good enough?
And it's hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction, oh beautiful release
Memories seep from my veins
They may be empty and weightless, and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight

In the arms of an Angel, fly away from here
From this dark, cold hotel room, and the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of an Angel; may you find some comfort here

So tired of the straight line, and everywhere you turn
There's vultures and thieves at your back
The storm keeps on twisting, you keep on building the lies
That you make up for all that you lack
It don't make no difference, escaping one last time
It's easier to believe
In this sweet madness, oh this glorious sadness
That brings me to my knees

In the arms of an Angel, far away from here
From this dark, cold hotel room, and the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie
In the arms of an Angel; may you find some comfort her

So I lied.

I'll do maybe a book review tomorrow. In the meantime, however, a Frenchdoc sends me the following student anecdote, which is so gobsmackingly awesome that it makes up, I think, for the sad dearth of "the things students say!" type posts since I went on leave. And yes, my fellow workers swears this is a true story.

Frenchdoc: Can I help you?
Student: yes, I need advising regarding a couple of sociology classes.
F: I can certainly help you with that. What were you looking for exactly?
S: I need to know the difference between soc 1120 and soc 2220.
F: Soc 1120 is about (follows lengthy explanation of what soc 1120 is about) and soc 2220 is about (follows lengthy explanation of what soc 2220 is about)
S: I need to take the one that's gonna help with my job and my problem
F: What's your job and what's your problem?
S: I'm assistant manager at a software company and I discriminate against women
F: That's a not a nice thing to do. Why do you do that?
S: Because other women discriminate against me: they won't date me. So, if women won't date me and discriminate against me, I have the right to discriminate the women I work with
F: you mean, because you can't find a date, you think you're entitled to take it out on the women you work with?
S: yes, especially since I can't make them date me either and if I tried to force them, then, they'd accuse me of sexual harassment
F: and they would be right
S: then I have a question: don't I have a right to sex as much as to food, as a basic human right?
F: no
S: but it's the same
F: no it's not, food and sex are different things: no food, you die; no sex, you might get grouchy but you don't die. Certain religious orders, as with monks or nuns, take vows of chastity and it doesn't kill them. Also, you exercising your right to food does not necessarily involve the exploitation of another human being. your supposed right to sex would involve the sexual exploitation of another person. You can't hurt another person in pursuing your rights or freedom
S: ok then, but we have the right to free speech, that means we're exposed to speech that hurts us.
F: another bad analogy: you can avoid speech that is offensive to you: stop reading, turn off the TV or radio, shut down the computer. There is no comparison between hearing stuff you don't like and being used a sexual object by someone else.
S: do you think 50 years from now, we'll have a basic human right to sex?
F: no
S: but black people used to be slaves here, and now they're not, so, things can change
F: this analogy is so wrong on so many levels I don't even know where to start: you can't compare your situation to slavery. You're not being exploited by anyone, you're just not getting dates. On the contrary, you want the right to exploit someone else, which goes against the very basic notion of human rights. You might want to take an ethics class!
S: oh, ethics is my favorite subject!
F: Also, get it out of your head that you're being discriminated against, you're not. Not finding dates is not discrimination. If I don't like green beans, I don't eat them. That's not discrimination, just taste. Dating is a skill. In addition to certain physical endowments, social and interpersonal skills are necessary and can be learned. And as in education, some students are better than others. Certainly, proclaiming sexism and a right to sexual access is probably not an endearing trait on the dating scene! THe good news is that this stuff can be learned.
S: but learning takes time, what do I do in the meantime?
F: you can try dating men (smiles brightly, proud of herself here)
S: you're saying men are gay because women won't date them? Is that why some men are gay?
F: NO... (follows lengthy explanation on the state of biological and social research on homosexuality, none of which involves men being gay because of these nasty women who won't date them)
S: oh. ok. I have another question for you then
F: yes?
S: why aren't women successful?
F: one, you'd have to define success, and two, women ARE successful but (follows length cross-cultural explanation on ideological and structural sexism that limit women's achievements in education, the professions, politics, etc.)
S: is there a book you can recommend that would help me solve my problem?
F: I don't think there is such a book
S: can I come and talk to you again if I need to?
F: sure (sinking feeling)
S: thanks a lot for your time
F: you're welcome

BAH!!

I'm in a mood of late. And my fucking Yahoo mail won't actually send any of the emails I write--it just grinds and grinds forever, *saying* it's sending, but the messages don't turn up in my sent folder. Maybe it's just having problems writing to the folder. I dunno. Has anyone gotten any email from me in the last couple of days? Or do I have to go rewrite every damn email from my gmail account? Grr.

Am still hung up on the tax saving thing my friends are doing. Dithering. It seems so decadent, and yet at the same time, it also seems less decadent than spending an equivalent amount of money on crap we don't actually need, which probably we do every month between Target and grocery store snacks and bicycle shorts, etc. I hate making these decisions. I have a serious hangup about responsibility for finance management.

Also Babi's been sick for two days with a bad sore throat and much snuffling and wheezing, and I'm probably about to go into my bad mood, which always makes me feel depressed and exhausted for a day or two.

Bah.

How much hurt is it anyway?

How much hurt will you be when you get hurt because someone close to you was insensitive to you? How much more hurt will you be if they did not even realise they hurt you? And which hurt will hurt you more?

Doesn’t it also hurt when you had to pretend that you were not hurt by the actions of that person. Doesn’t it also hurt when you think that you wished they would ask for forgiveness for that one act of theirs that hurt you? Doesn’t it hurt to know that it’s become more of a routine for them now- to turn deaf to the sounds of your heart. Doesn’t it hurt to think all that you are compromising for is actually going in vain, because the other person just doesn’t get it? Doesn’t that hurt you way too bad? It does, doesn’t it?

Handling success isnt everyones cup of tea

Yesterday gallantry awards were given to the soldiers who proved their mettle in combat the last year. In a colourful presentation ceremony 1 officer, 1 JCO and 2 soldiers stood commended with the Chief-of-Army-Staff commendation Card. One of the prestigious awards bestowed for courage and bravery in the face of adversity.
There was a well-deserved pride and aura around the winners for reasons well appreciated. And it was due. Getting where they did wasnt an cake walk and since we all knew that well, we were equally happy and were basking in their glory and fulfilment. But there was one person who was strikingly different from the rest 3. He stood there unaffected. Calm, composed, with no obvious exaltation on his face. It made me so amazed that I did not take my eyes out of him for a long time. He stood there smiling at everyone who came to wish him, saluting officers who commanded him, and just waiting there sa if he were standing on a normal roll-call.
Being their doctor, I wasnt really sure what got him this award, but all I knew was that it should have been something well worth mention because this award is something to die for. Literally too. On asking I found out that he had risked his life, twice, in an attempt to eliminate the terrorists. The vivid account my buddy gave me is too confidential to scribble here, but all I can say was that, he really deserved it. He WAS brave. And I also got to know that this was his fourth commendation card in a service spanning 09 yrs.
I couldnt be more surprised. How many of us can success as just a recognition of our hardwork, and move on striving for better glories, without making any pomp and show about it? I mean, doesnt success also deserve that kind of treatment? Oh come on, you have tasted it too, havent you? Have you even kept count of the many people whom you informed and shared your happiness with? No. Because, its a normal human machanism to exalt in ones own success. It like feeding ones own ego and adding oil into the I-am-a-power-to-reckon-with image, which we all silently keep within ourselves.
I talked to him at the end of the presentation, and asked him whats bothering him that doesnt make him as happy as the others and he said that he wasnt really sure if he deserved it more than the 5 others whose name was recommended for the same award and who were not lucky. He rose to a position well beyond all of us in just a dialougue and today I feel proud being associated with men like him in even the most minute way. Meeting him and seeng his mind, I am convinced again that there are people in this world to whom not only their happiness matters, but others too. People who wouldnt mind sacrifising their own gain for the smile on their peer's face. People who inspite of being honoured and kept above others, stood humbled by the place they were in. People who would define modesty in its most purest form.
It was a day to remember for me. To see the happiness and share the crowing moments with the winners, and more importantly, being blessed with an oppurtunity to learn from that person, who taught a lot in just a line. Jai Jawan, Jai Kisan.

Dont even try it. Its worthless.

I am sure you all must have been in a situation where we have emotionally forced somebody to do something for us, just to make us happy or maybe somebody other than the both of you happy. I dont know about you, but one thing I know is that, I have done that many times than one.
I havent done it in the conventional way always, but I am sure as hell that I did make my point every other time. I could give the instances, but then it would be too obvious to the person who might at sometime read this. Even when this proposition is the rarest possibility.
When I look at it, I think its all got to do with our expectations. What we would love to get from the other person, for our investment into the relation, really bothers us.And even if the other person wouldnt have even thought/planned of doing 'that' thing you wanted from them, they would invariably do it for you...for your happiness, because they care for it in someway you cant explain. And wouldnt have if you did not voluntarily expressed/forced your desire on them.
What I think after being in this kinda situation so many times, is it really worth it? I mean, the thoughtfullness that person shows in giving life your desire is awesome, but you could have got that exact same thing from the store yourself. When you get it the way you got it from them, it becomes more of a tangible, a commodity, a reminder of your constant want of attention, an impersonal gift.Wouldnt it be much more special if they would have read your mind and done something half more elaborate than now? I am sure that would just blow life into that moment.
The other situation. You hoped they would call after something horrible happened. You hoped that they would greet you on your graduation, or come dancing with you on one of your happy-days...but they never did. And that hurts too. And that hurts a lot. And maybe we do that by-force thing, just to evade that unpleasant feeling. And maybe in comparision, to us, we stand justified. But what would be the limit to this? Till when will we be playing this game? And when would we stop expecting? Or still better - when would they bloody understand???

(Any resemblence with any person living or dead is sheer co-incidence)

The guns will stop pointing when the fingers do.

India is no stranger to terror attacks. But neither is Pakistan, the nation we so regularly accuse of being the cause of it. In fact, in 2009 alone, Pakistan lost over 3000 people to terror attacks. So whatever the diplomats choose to say and the leaders choose to hide, one thing is clear. Despite both nations being victims of it, the thought of working together seems to terrorise us more than the terrorists themselves. But its time we made up for the lost ground by finding a common one. On the eve of India and Pakistan agreeing to resume peace talks, let us remind ourselves that talking face-to-face is the only way out. Because when all methods stand tried and all patience tested, the only thing that remains is for the fingers to stop pointing and the heads to start talking.

Bruno

I know I have been overly mean and selfish this time. I haven’t mentioned Bruno ever. No passing mention, no nostalgic memory, no emotional attachment, nothing. I guess I did not because, quite clearly, I forgot about him. Totally. I think I was so very involved with my own puppy Brownie, that I forgot everything before him. Quite typical human behaviour isn’t it?
Bruno and Ruby came into our lives as 32 day year pups. Both German shepherds, siblings. We had a Doberman then who was about 5 years old when they had come, her name being Jacky. Bruno and Ruby brought much happiness into our lives. They were the most obedient pups I had ever seen, and they learned everything we taught them with the upmost ease and loved us more than we could ever imagine. In not more than 50 days old, still ten more days till 2 months, they had almost learned the obedience training complete. Such were their mental prowess. I think in my experience with dogs, German Shepherds are a force to reckon with in their physical and mental prowess.
Bruno and Ruby both grew into fantastic statures and not surprisingly, they were the talk in town. Many people would just stop by and see the duo, strolling in the sun with their black and golden fleece shining in the sun. It was a sight to see. Just a few months from there I went to medical school and from then on, my stay at home was limited to the 15 days I would come home on term break every six months. During one of my visits, my paternal uncle, who’s wife and kid stayed alone at home, while he worked abroad expressed his desire of keeping Ruby. It was like he was asking for our soul. But the emotional touch to it, made my dad consent. Brother’s family in need of some guard is a really sensitive issue. And moreover, they were just 2 homes away, so dad’s point was that we could go and see her whenever we wanted to. And thus, Ruby left us and went to her new home, where she stayed and played and protected till she breathed her last nearly a year back, being affected by uterine tumour. I still remember the way my aunt was weeping in agony. And I can relate to the pain, because I shared some too.
Bruno is nearly 11 years old now. He has arthritis in both his hind legs and day before yesterday my wife said that she suspects that he has pain in his left ear too. There is mild discharge thats perennial from his eyes, finds it difficult to get up from a lying down position and he limps now when he walks. That is the same Bruno I am talking about, who couldn’t even sit and second without atleast playfully wagging his beautiful tail. But should there be some stranger at the gates, he would never seize the chance to spring and rush to the gates barking, as if still performing his duty with the utmost dedication. My dad said and I quote,” There is so much these animals teach us, isn’t it? Look at him, he can barely walk, but when duty calls, he would just forget his pain and weakness, and would just answer the call. Not a word of complaint, not an aura of accomplishment...he would just do his thing, and then come back to rest. How many of us can actually do something like that, without making a huge fuss about it??”. The words still ring in my ears and I am without answer.
Senility. That changes everything, doesn’t it? Everyone is subject to the progress of time and there is no one spared. Not even my dear Bruno, who protected mom when all of us were away at work or studies. When we used to ask mom if she ever felt scared of being alone, she only said : when Bruno is there to take care of me, why should I fear. That was the level of trust mom had in him. And so did we all. Seeing him suffer like this is a painful thing. I just wish he could talk and tell us about where his leg hurts the most or what makes him feel better. I wish.
In a few more days I leave home again for work not sure as to when I would return. And I am also not sure if I would ever get to see my Bruno again when I come back. My Bruno, who has given his entire life taking care of us, asking nothing back in return but our love, is really old now. I wish we have lived upto the highest level of dedication he has always showed. I hope we have made him happy in whatever way we can in return for the unparallel love we got from him. I wish he could take and understand my sorry for not taking time out to just sit with him and give him company in whatever time I had at home, like how he has done all his life. I truly feel so very bad for you Bruno, and I wish I could tell you how much you made us proud. Please get well soon and bounce back into your healthy self, cos it hurts a lot to see you in so much pain. Love you Bruno.

I miss ma Grandma

I wish Heaven had a phone so I could hear your voice again. I thought of you today, but that is nothing new, I thought about you yesterday, and days before that too.I think of you in silence, I often speak your name. All i have are memories and a picture in a frame.Your memory is a keepsake, from which I'll never part. God has you in his arms,I have you in my heart.. Miss you a lot today grandma.. I wish I could tell you that you were the best I could ask for. Don't be yourself wherever you are, ok? I am just too jealous. And possessive. :(

Brownie and Me

My wife has been nagging me for quite sometime asking me to see the movie ‘Marley and Me’ with her. She said that she loved it and that I would too. And also that it was really touching and all that jazz. And I have been extending it without reason. And now I have finally seen it, and blame myself for why I dint listen to my wife.
The first thing I did after seeing that movie was to call up my buddy back there at my camp and enquire about how my Brownie was doing. Yes, when I write this entry, I am really really missing her. I have been really caught up over the past few days ever since I have come home that I haven’t got time to write about the wonderful time I am having here with my family. Apart from many other things, about which I do intend to elaborate later sometime, we got a puppy for home. We named him Rocky and I think he is the cutest black Labrador Retriever I have ever seen. And spending time seeing him play, feeding him, cleaning his poop, I almost forgot about my dear Brownie, who I know is missing me back there in Assam.
I don’t know how she comes to know everytime I pack my bags to go home. I mean, being in the army, its my profile to be on the move. I keep moving very often, for a day or two, never longer than 4 days, but never then would she make me feel so conscious of her ailing heart, as she does when I pack bags to come home. Its like she tell me : “Please don’t leave me alone here. Take me with you.”
I think that’s the best thing about having a pet. They would love you for what ever you are. You might be just an other dude down the street for a lot of people, but for him, you are the whole world – the place where all roads lead to. I still remember my buddy telling me that for days after I had left her when I came home on vacation the last time, she kept lying next to my shoes –smelling and licking it, as if something in it reassured her about my presence. The very feeling of your pet doing something like this for you – this is a feeling so overwhelming, only a pet owner can relate to.
In an attempt to stall Jennifer's "biological clock", John gives her a puppy. While the puppy Marley grows into a 100 pound dog, he loses none of his puppy energy or rambunctiousness. Meanwhile, Marley gains no self-discipline. Marley's antics give John rich material for his newspaper column. As the Grogans mature and have children of their own, Marley continues to test everyone's patience by acting like the world's most impulsive dog. Life is idyllic until the aging Marley begins to show signs of arthritis and deafness. An attack of gastric dilatation volvulus almost kills him, but he recovers. When a second attack occurs, it becomes clear surgery will not help him, and Marley is euthanised with John at his side. The family pay their last respects to their beloved pet as they bury him beneath a tree in their front yard.
It isn’t a great great great movie with the plot, but when you narrow down on to the dog-master relationship, its a winner. I couldn’t control my tears when Grogen had to come face to face with the reality that his dog isn’t going to be with him for long. I think the main reason why I cried is that I saw me standing right there a few years down the lane. The same pathetic plight. The same horrendous destiny. One that really cant be changed. A clock into which I cant add anymore time keeps on ticking and I miss my Brownie more than anything else tonight.
I guess it would do good for me that my wife gets proved wrong about things pertaining to my taste once in a while. It would do my male ego good. Yeah.

Bow wow!

I am going to begin my blog by quoting what my friend Aditya said when I text-ed him that I am very happy and that happiness has doubled. He called and asked : "Is it a puppy, sir?". haha...
My love and craze for dogs and pups isnt a novelty in my circle, but I had a great time puppy shopping today. We went to around 8 breeders, visited 3 homes and talked to a dozen others on phone before we boiled down to our catch. The pleasure of just having to look at these wonderful creatures...so innocent they are, arent they?? I mean, who in the world can stop themselves from loving them? Dog-haters are one bunch of hardcore losers to me.
We had not decided as to what breed exactly we want, but we sure knew our priorities. We needed a dog who could be good as a family pet, as an active companion, for obedience trials and a bit for protection too. We knew we only needed a middle sized dog, and no bitch, cos there our walls are not too high, and I think I know exactly what these dogs want. Lol.
So, we went from pillar to post and almost fixed on 2, but both being females, we had to reconsider. But luckily, our search ended with Popular Kennels, which was suggested by one of our friends, and we got the puppy, just as we had wished for. A fawn colored male Labrador pup. 38 days old. Smart, beautiful eyed, and extremely active, handsome and lovable. Just like the kinds we see on the covers of glossy magazines. We did seriously consider a Chow-Chow, but they were really expensive and I know that my dad should have kicked my butt if I asked him for it. And my wife really loved a Tibetan Spaniel too. But my wife, brother and I just loved him so much to even think about someone else. Right now, as the three of us are busy thinking about what name to call him, we also cant wait till Friday when he would finally come home.
Yes, today we met the doggy who is going to be family!! Cant wait to have you here puppy. There is so much love in store for you lil one.
PS: I am attaching a picture of a labrador puppy that so looks like our puppy, which I downloaded from Google and the others we loved today...till he walks across the door and into our lives in real.

The Labrador puppy

Tibetan Spaniel

Chow Chow

yaabadaabadoo....

In loving memory of a friend far away...

I have been trying to forget something that I also never want to forget, for a long time. But then, memories are weird, aren’t they? They surface at a time when you are least expecting them, and leave you sore and bleeding yet again, even after all these years...

I really cant remember what started the discussion with a friend about Denny, a friend who is just a fond memory for me today. I think its the strange similarity I see between the both of them in many ways. I think so. I think its that, but I cant be too sure. But the fact is that the memory has surfaced and its made me really uneasy. Again.

I hate to remember the night Denny slipped the stairs that lead to the terrace and bled to his end. I still remember him lying right there immersed in his own blood and friends rushing him to the hospital only to know it was too late and that he had already breathed his last. The entire college flocked at the ICU to see the remains of the person they only had good memories with. But I did not go. I did not want to see him lying there – cold and lifeless. I wasn’t strong enough then, and I wonder if I would be strong enough at all to face this reality, ever.

I remember the time we hanged out for the first time when we were just freshers in medical school. A strange chemistry it was, the one that we shared. We just clicked right away. I mean, isn’t it rare to find someone who thinks exactly like you. That you just look at something and you can bet that you know what the other person must have thought. And that it would be the same. Well, that was what it was with Denny. But the good times did not stay long, and we separated and tread separate ways. Made new friends and our territories never intersected. And we moved on. But somewhere during the walk, I knew I wanted to talk to him, and wanted to clear things, but ego isn’t something we can let lose so easily, isn’t it.

Death. That changes a lot, doesn’t it? It changes your perspective, your outlook about a situation, a person, everything.

After he died, it was like a part of me died with him. A part that took a long long time to regenerate and that which I know today is just a myth because when I think about him the pain and the longing is still the same. The very same as it was 7 years ago.

I started off writing this entry with the idea of telling the world as to what fantastic person Denny was, and the amazing human being he should have been, being what he was. But its like I cant go any further. The thoughts, when they become overwhealming, I get stuck. Frozen. Lifeless. Like now. Like then.

I don’t like this. I don’t like to know that he is no more. Still. I don’t like to know that I can never ever tell him that which I always wanted to. I don’t like that he left his closest friends in a sorrow that they would never surface from. I don’t like that the void his absence left his family would never fill. I don’t like the fact that I cant change anything inspite of praying so much to change that one day in his life. I don’t like that the only reality that we have is now, and tomo is just a distant dream, an illusion, a modern myth. I don’t like it. I don’t like it at all.

Dude, where ever you are, I just want to tell you that there are still people here far away from you, hoping that you were right here, with us, to share the madness. Know also that you will forever be missed. Peace to the soul.

Foster Moments

Yes, this blog entry was due yesterday, but the hangover Vodka can give you is much more then Rum. Let me assure you that. Ha!
I wanted to tell about the great time I had in Dimpaur, Nagaland with my friends. As I keep updating on my blog and my statuses on FB and Twitter, my boss is away on leave. And since he is not the kind of boss one would miss even if he was dead, you can wonder how much relieved every single one in the battalion might be feeling. Most of all, the adjutant, Capt. Kaushik, who also is the staff officer to the Commanding Officer – the one who takes the maximum of his shit. Being the doctor, I am away from the decomposing shit most of the time, but when it hits the fan, you know you cant escape, don’t you. With times like this coming in, one tends to realise that its not the intensity of work that can get you worked out, its the hostile environment – a boss that sits and craps onto your head really isn’t the best setting you know. The mental rape that one is mercilessly exposed to, inspite of the unforgiving mountainous and cold terrain just acts like kerosene to fire.
That is a lot of deviation from my actual topic though. Yes, as I saying, my very close friend Divya and her husband raj(also a great buddy) were on their way home to Delhi and decided to take a transit at Dimapur to catch up and party. Its been a long while since I had seen Divya, and though we never miss a day without hearing from either end, the sight and the feeling of your close friend just next to you is an amazing experience. Divya and I had been together through a lot of stuff. We have scaled highs and lows together to extreme proportions. There has been innumerable fights and emotional confrontations, but we have always ended together, like how small birds end up into a mothers nest by dusk. So, getting to meet someone so emotionally attached to you is a feeling I know all of you can relate with. And her husband Raj is the perfect definition to – A gem of a man! And this coming from me, he must be really good, for those who know me.
So, Anupam and I drove all the way to Dimapur where we met up with the Rajs and caught up over a cup of hot coffee before driving down to Baskin Robbins for our favourite Hawaiian Surprise. A quick gulp of the chocolate sin down our throats and we found ourselves in the dimly lit Mc Crommes lounge, bang on the heart of Dimapur town. Australian for beer – Fosters, is amazing company. I must tell you that. A lot of chitter chatter jabber there and we headed to the Escape Lounge, where Dj Raaztu rocked the dance floor. Dancing has always been a passion for me, and with a great company like this, what more could one ask for. There was fantastic music, great food, awesome crowd, and best of friends. Man, did we move the night away or what!?
Time ticked and as they say all good things has to come to an end, we heard the swans song at the railway station where we (anupam and I) went to see of the Rajs. Better put as the cherry on the cake, this day in the midst of already good days was the high point in the vacation like time. I realised how much I missed great company like this for a long time, and how much my heart called for it. Well, what do I say... this is indeed a gold mine in my pocketful of memories. Hell yeah!

Met friends!

Ok, I am going to keep this really short, cos I have lots to write about yesterday. I would like to also keep this short because I am going to have a similar good tym tonight too. So I will pool all the pics and the details together and tell you our Good-Times story.

But then again, I cant leave without thanking Rajashekhar, Divya and Anupam for the fantastic time we had in Dimapur yesterday. Music, party, dance and beer. OMG! Sounds amazing, doesnt it. Let me tell you, it was even better. We had hit Mc Crommes and Escape Lounge, both in Dimapur, Nagaland...and if it was that goos yesterday, cant wait for today...

Going to grab my dancing shoes folks...see you tomo soon...with lotsa good stories.

As she walked towards me...

I will never forget two days ever in my life. And its both got to do with my wife - Babitha.



I remember her standing behind the curtain, in a red saree...the day I had gone to meet her the first time, trembling, as if out of fear. I could see her legs shaky and fingers trembling with excessive tremors. I had a feeling that she did not like where she was or in plain words, she did not like me. That left me also throat-clenched with not a single word coming out in the beginning. But then I had to break the ice, and I started off...to only last for about one hour. We had a great time talking! We talked about almost everything under the sun. Man, I knew that very moment that if it had to be anybody, I would be very lucky if it was her! And after we got engaged a few days later, I learned that it was the same for her too and she was just apprehensive about me liking her, and she really prayed I did.





And the vision of her walking to me on the day of our marriage. Oh God! My heart still skips a beat when I think about it. She walked towards me like as if an angel, with so much grace and beauty that filled my heart instantly, involuntarily with so much love that I did not even realize that I was on camera. Haha.. It gave me such unbelievable amount of joy to think that in no time she would be mine for life. And living everyday with her love in my life, I cant ask for anything more. All my prayers have been answered through her, and I am now left with nothing more to ask. So many dreams I had kept inside me in the dark and now with her and just with her coming along has light up my life and days and makes me feel alive. I cant even imagine how life would have been otherwise. Love you baby, for all things I know you do for me to just make me happy, and the many others I yet dont. :) :x

The New Pup – Jenniee

Today I felt my happiness doubled. Not just because of the general happiness that is in the air because my boss is on leave, but because a new canine joined the family. My junior got for himself a coffee coloured Golden Retriever. She has been named Jenniee, and is 1 month and 20 days old. After Brownie, I haven’t really held any canine in my arms or played with them. Jenniee came in the oddest time possible. The car I send to fetch her got late and she landed at 0300am. And I was so cranky to open my door thinking it would be an other casuality knocking. But I was so pleasantly surprised to see the delivery – a cute lil pup in a cardboard box. I cant even explain how elated I was to see her. I did not sleep the whole night then, one reason was that I just loved looking at her and other, she would allow me to sleep. By morning I was feeling bad..because in no time Rishi would come running to take his puppy back. By 0500am Brownie woke up and was surprised to see a similar species in the same room. I was anxious in the beginning, but Brownie proved me so wrong. She couldn’t be happier to see the pup. She licked and played with it as if its her own kid. It actually reminded me of my sister who used to bathe and play and make up her doll as a kid. It was a sight to see. And I kept watching the two play, and time just ticked away without notice till I heard the horn of the vehicle, which heralded her departure. And in sometime Jenniee had gone to her master. But the few hours of happiness she gave me was akin to the best breed of marijuana. Ok, that was a metaphor. Miss you Jenniee.

Jenniee



Brownie and Jenniee


Anupam and I with the duo


Rishi with his pet pup!

The invisible line

Yes, lots have been written and re-written about this. Poems to scripts to songs to letters to blogs. But the way I see it, there is no way to perfectly describe this amorphous entity – the invisible line that separates familiarity from concern. Ok, I am sure this line I just wrote hasn’t made much sense to you as much as it dint to me. But I will try and explain.
How many times have u felt so intimate with a person, apart from family, and you almost said something personal to them, but still did not. Havent you been there? Isn’t it a throat clenching situation? I tried analysing it and I think its because in spite of the liberty you share with them, you don’t really know how much this person feels for you. It is that insecurity that holds you back. You are scared that your emotional liberty would be misunderstood for undue license and that is not a very pleasant feeling at all. Atleast for me and some people I know expressing one’s true feeling is an Achilles heel. I think its very cheesy and also to be frank, I feel a wee bit embarrassed too. (It was that bad in my interaction with my wife too, which now I think was the extreme, but now which I have come closer to good.  Love!) But I also know that there are points in time when one should say those lines from the heart, when its being expected so much from them. Its just not enough to keep those feelings inside, with all its purity. You should deliver it. I belonged to the school of thought that believed that if someone really loves/knows you, he/she would understand you and your feelings without you having to say it. By their actions, their gestures, their subtle hints. But then also, not many are so sure of such signs, because it’s not definite, it can’t be measured, and it is not out there – like your words! Bible says and I quote, “words can give and take life”. And I can’t agree more today.
But all said and done, when does one know what is the limit to keep with a good friend, a dear acquaintance. Should there be a boundary, should be there a guard? I think having a guard doesn’t allow you to be your true self and it would definitely be fake, and there is a good chance that no one but you know it, but then again – how much worth is it? And if you cross that line with conviction, you would stand the risk of offending the other person which would again affect your cordial relation. Relationships are so complicated right? No matter how much we try to convince ourselves, no body can give a NO answer with perfect conviction. Such are the matters of the heart. So amorphous that one can’t really palpate it, so vague that one can’t measure it, so invisible that one can’t even see it.
But taking that risk for the person you care about – it’s worth it. Isn’t it?

Happy Women’s Day, Men!

Many a times haven’t we heard women ranting with special emphasis to the line – “its a men’s world...blah blah blah”. And we the lesser mortals haven’t even conceived the idea of coining such terms for them, which is my way of saying : have a heart ladies!! We aint that bad. Atleast anymore. ;)
Sometimes I think the conflict between the sexes is so overrated and so hollow. Today I think there is no reason for women to fight to prove to the world or themselves for that matter, that they are EQUALS. I think today men realise more than women that there can never be a time that the both sexes are equals. Women are way too SUPERIOR to us. I find it funny when women fight for their rights to come to a level that in reality is degrading their original position in the superiority ladder. I still think that the respect a woman commands for any job she does is more than what a man gets for the same job. And its not because she is ‘just’ a women and she boldly did the ‘man’s job’. Its because women have a knack of doings things better, and neater than men, atleast in lots of areas that I have seen. Their endurance levels are way too higher, their perception of danger much more acute, their response to crisis (except the tears ofcourse) are anytime more than the XY chromosome holders. I am not going to rattle away about their contribution and endurance as mothers and daughters, which anybody would not debate about. But the very power that the XX carries with it, is way too much to compare.
And here comes men! What they have done in the past is bloody unforgivable. Not just for doing what they did, but for making the lives of many that came after them a lot more tougher. Even in school, the girl-team would win every time this topic came up. First because, its a girl who speaks - A girl who has graduated from the destined-to-be-a-homemaker in life image, to the substance lady, who has a point to make. And secondly because in the past those buggers (men) had crossed the line way too much. I wonder what kind of weird grass they were on to make this so difficult for us. Anyways, things continued. The image of the subdued and subjected-to-pain image of a women in the yesteryears still lie etched in the psyche of every women, who are far from what they were then. Today no matter how far they push things or how much they cross the line, they are still women, and we are still that insensitive men! Many a time, even in the movies, the word MEN are dictated as if is a swear word. A cheap abuse! But he still moves on...
Men, don’t lose hope. Because though the light at the end of the tunnel seems to be the light of the train that is going to run over you, there will definitely be sunny days ahead. Someday. They say man reaps benefits for his past actions and just see it as our redemption time, as much as its payback time for the other end. Our endurance today will definitely be paid off too by the same rule. So soldier on, because for what you do today, your future generations will reap the benefit.
The biggest irony of the situation as I see it is that, women also have a day for their ‘joy’ of being women. Haha..seriously, why shouldn’t they???
All those wonderful women out there, Happy Womens Day!
(This entry has been generated a few days late. That ‘funny guy’ at the server end is so bloody clumsy!!!)

No no Mr. Messenger!

I have been occasionally having this feeling ever after seeing City of Angels. Is there any possible chance that there exist some messenger that comes to take the soul of the dying? Its called "messenger" in the movie, but the scriptures of various religions are replete with references to the god's messenger. Azrael, viewed as the good angel of death recording every birth and death in Christianity; in Islam referred to as Malak Almawt. Samael, an archangel (in Judaism) and Yamraj (kaalan) in Hinduism are a few references to the same. I particularly remember a dialogue in the movie where Dr. Maggi asks her fellow doctor," everyday we fight in this operating room to save lives. Have you ever wondered with whom we are fighting with?". I think that was a very powerful line. Maybe it takes so much significance because I am a doctor too and dealing with life and death issues are part of the trade, and maybe many viewers would not have even noticed the irony at all. But it did strike me. There has been times where I have seen patients almost in a delirious state talking to someone and looking fixed onto some point, as if someone was stationed there, and smiling or talking or just gazing, so happy that they are here after their absence for a long time. The grey areas that science can never explain. I think it is that, because always after that particular episodes we have lost our patients. Their memory and their minds never woke up to tell the story of their meeting with that one person who stood amongst us, whom only they could see. I wish I got some patient back, so that they could answer many of the questions that haunt me in times like these. These erratic, unexplainable behavior have been termed medically as hallucinations, or in some contexts as Delirium or Delusion.

Picture this possibility : Every patient that I have seen die in the ICU, and beside whom I was too unfortunate to be had shown some activity looking at one point beside the bed. There has been times where the entire family was beside the patient, and the patient would look at all their faces and the last face he would look just before he would die is 'that' face, the face with no form. I have tried and discussed the possibility of having that 'messenger' between the crowd that encircles the dying patient. I have tried and fixed my gaze too onto that one point that the patient looked, but the fact of how small we are to many bigger and enigmatic truths that lay hidden, gapes me into my eye, almost paralyzing me with the strength of its conviction.

I also think that the worst job among the men of God might be to be a messenger of death. This job must be reserved for the souls who just barely managed to pass the heaven test! He would by far only see the pain and agony that rips the very root of many families right before his eyes. How the very absence of that one person would invariably change the lives of all the people around him for ever. How even the doctors to the OR to the grieving family for that frame in time feel so connected in the circle of life, that immensely reflects in their longing against the messenger. The amount of curse he would harvest. The unfortunate will that he would not be able to see the blessings that life has to offer. He would see just the end, the death.

Though I would want to know if there is that Mr. Messenger who comes to take the souls away, I also would not want to know much about him, because as they say, he only comes alone, never leaves the same way.

Yummy yummy says my tummy

This blog post is directed to re-living those moments I spend in the kitchen with my wife, cooking, cooking and more cooking, now which is a happy spot for memory to rest.
I took a vacation in Jan this year, which was not actually according to my leave plan. I had planned for my leave in March, and had charted lots of activity for then, which I know today has shattered because I have been denied leave because of the paucity of staff. Now the leave I took then has taken even more significance, one because I could meet my beloved in Jan, and two because if I did not have gone then, it should have too long a wait, more of an agony. The plan came into my head like a bolt from the blue and...... wait, this isn’t what I am trying to tell!!!...I so easily miss the point. (But I sure will touch on this some other time)
Yeah, so I was @ home with Babitha and it was just the two of us. The entire home for us, for love, for talk, for eat & drink, for the occasional fight and yes, the awesome cooking! Babitha isn’t well versed in the culinary department. I think I am more a high-grader there. My wife thinks that I have it in my genes to cook well, dad being an executive Italian chef and mom an amazing cook herself, I cannot find reason to refute. So, she and I decided that this once we would cook more and order less, just to enjoy the moment spend in bringing out something with joint effort. And the story began. I have learned a bit helping mom in the kitchen. Shiju (my only brother) and I are really fond of cooking and used to try our hand in it from a very small age. As kids, both of us used to take pride in cooking sausages and making fresh juice. After beating all those apples and grapes and mangoes in the blender, we would put sugar syrup into it with so much air of precision as if it was rocket science. Then we would make each other or mom taste it and exclaim, wow!! Fantastic it is! But now, we would make Indian and Chinese and the occasional Italian and I still think Shiju is still a little better than me.
Babitha and I decided that we would work on Indian cuisine more and would use those spices to give it the extra spice and flavour. As a test group, we had chosen our neighbours cum first cousins, who would give us the final verdict on everything we tried. They were also kind enough to send in regular supplies of meals every day, just in case the whole cooking season flopped and burned. We started with fresh salads with dressings of olive and salad oil and graduated into making a full blown 3 course dinner for four members and they say, and I think too, it was awesome. But I know one thing for sure, we had an even better time cooking it for them. Here are a few moments of the same.

Chopping those fleshy onions will always make me weep

But lady’s finger was easy for the lady’s fingers.

The raw materials I managed to click


The orange suprise (we named it! It’s got fresh orange juice, wish a dash of white wine and a bit of vodka. It tastes awesome. Trust me!)

And here it comes... (Plz ignore the presentation. Firstly, we were too famished by the end of it and secondly, we are still to know more about it.)
THE MALABAR CHICKEN CURRY

BINDI MASALA, VENDAKKA THORAN

PANEER BHURJI

RASAM

CHICKEN CURRY

CHICKEN FRIED IN OYSTER SAUSE, CHILLY PASTE AND MASALA AFTER MARINATION WITH YOUGHURT

CHICKEN SAUSAGES WITH SOYA SAUSE, A DASH OF MUSTARD AND FRESH ONIONS

We were just too tired for the pudding, hence..


So that was how it went, and I am so proud of the ameteur chefs that is still in its infancy in the both of us! Yeeeah!