When Heart Bleeds

So, lately it has been quite emotionally obliterating at the work front. One of my staff has his daughter admitted in a tertiary hospital in Delhi and she is in a terminal stage. She has been diagnosed with SLE with severe complications in the heart, brain and kidney. She was being treated for the above conditions in Nepal, near the place where they belong, and now they are here. Under our care. Its been 9 days now since she has been put on ventilator after she suffered two major seizures. And there has been no signs of improvement, yet. Infact, the blood work-up says that she is drowning with almost 99% chance of fatality. But besides her sits her father and mother who’s been with her for the 18 yrs of her life. All 18yrs when Neetu had been every parents envy.

Neetu had been an achiever ever since kindergarten. She has never stood second. Be it studies, co-curricular activities or sports. She used to excel in this all. But what made her the blue-eyed of everyone was the modesty she possessed in limitless amount. And that wouldn’t be too surprising for anyone who knew her father personally because he was an epitome of dedication, honesty and modesty himself. Neetu could sing, speak many languages, used to teach many children in the neighbourhood, knit clothes for winter..she would do it all. All this till the beginning of this year when one after life unleashed misery on this dream-like family. Neetu started falling ill and she never really recovered inspite of the medications she took and despite the numerous doctors she visited. And how would she, she wasn’t correctly diagnosed till very recently. And in all this time when she was being treated for the conditions she never really had, she was there getting worse. Nearing the stage she is in now.

Today, she is here. Living, yet life-less.  Just a few minutes before she got that massive seizures she told her mom not to worry and that she needs to return back to their home in Nepal because her younger sister was there all by herself and her exams were near. How she would assure her mom that things would be alright soon and that she was feeling a lot better than what she was already.

When I think about Neetu, I am overwhelmed at the unwavering courage she possesses. I am also convinced beyond doubt  that all the stories her dad would tell me on the phone, whenever I call him to find out how Neetu was, is so true. How the old man would try and get some strength while proudly speaking about his elder daughter. He would ask me, “Sahab, when will she be ok? She will be ok na?”. And my silence or my desperate attempt to give him an answer that wouldn’t be too harsh to hear, would answer all his questions. Yet he says, he is hopeful that Neetu will bounce back to life. I know exactly what that feels like, because I was there too nearly a month back, while taking care of my father-in-law. And for the same reason, I told him to hang on inspite of knowing the bleak prognosis because I saw a miracle in my life with Babi’s dad.

All I want right now is her to be better. A lot better. I want her mom to finally wipe her tears and smile. I want her father to know that hope is a good thing. Beyond anything else, I want Neetu to live the life she deserves to live.

I just wish that when I call her dad tomorrow, he has something better to share. The silence and the pain in his words are killing me. Its bringing me to my knees. Please pray for her all of you. Pray for the miracle she so much needs.

Amen.