Absolute bliss.

Yesterday I woke up from my sleep suddenly in the night because I thought Manu had woken up and was tossing in bed. But when I looked, he was still deep asleep, but was just changing his position in his bassinet.

I looked at the time. It was 05:00 in the morning and still dark outside. As I lay down, tucking myself back in bed, I rolled over to see the most beautiful miracles in my life lying just next to me. I got up, took the bed lamp in my hand and brought it closer to the mother and child to see their faces clearly. With no exaggeration, I felt as if there lay a fairy with an angel lying next to her. What a beautiful sight that was. I wanted to rush and grab my camera and capture every detail of it. But the sight was so overwhelming to me that I could not move my eyes that were so fixed onto them and I was anxious that the moment might pass by the time I came back with the camera.

Even as I write about that night, I can feel the goose-flesh active on my body. That state of tranquil trans lasted for a while. Then, as my hands started to ache, I put down the lamp after fully absorbing that moment by my eyes, and soaking that memory into my heart.

How lucky I am to have these gems in my life. My wife. My baby.

I fell at once onto my knees to thank the Power above who makes these small miracles happen in our lives and adds onto our pocketful of memories.

Life of a daddy.

I've waited for this role for long and I had gotten here long before I actually was. But actually being here has given a whole new meaning to the phrase - being daddy, and also its clear to me how pregnant with meaning it actually is.

I've seen and heard how people associate bringing up the baby with sleepless nights and aching arms from carrying them repeatedly. How often I hear - "it's the end of your happy days", etc. But many a time we tend to forget about this blessing that is in our arms. That piece of flesh and bones that is completely and fully yours and who will carry forward your name in the days to come, whether he likes it or not. One clean, clear slate that is completely up to you to fill. With happiness, with wisdom, with love, with compassion, with humility, with fear and trust in God, and with so much more that you thought would keep your life in balance, in harmony. How overwhelming it is when you realise that your child might some day rule the world or destroy it. And how then the way you brought him up would completely matter.

For me, it is this that makes me shaky in my knee and brings me closest to humility. That fear of filling that slate with just the right things and nothing wrong. From mere-human, not-so-perfect, ordinary person like myself, how much of a miracle can I expect, I wonder.

I just hope I am doing my job right. I really want to.

The rotten apple.

Sometimes you might be part of the best team, but that one bad apple (read as ass-hole) can spoil the entire fun.

Like today for instance. I so much want to take his name and feel happy to hear from all the people whom he has ever met or interacted with ever in his lifetime that he has always been one jerk, but I just dont want to be so rude and personal. Doing that might bring me closer to his way of operation and thinking - that which I am not.

But it is beyond me to just sit there and watch them spilling poison and watching it mess peoples lives. But it is also not a great idea to make this affect my own life and feel miserable. No? Yes? I dont know.

But one thing that's true - I am truly so damn pissed!!

Trust.

One phrase that is so often misused in normal day-to-day parlance is “Don’t you trust me?”

So I am forced to accept as true that anyone who uses it might be influenced beyond doubt what it means. With that objective I asked many of my friends what ‘trust’ means to them. Says Ankush, 26, “Trust is when someone will not betray you”. Sunil, 33, thinks - “Trust is something between a husband and wife”. Rohit, 22, on the other hand feels that Trust is the “ability to trust someone fully”.  The more I probed the more characterizations I got for the same word and I am persuaded that Trust is a very subjective word.

That brings to the forefront the question – What does the word TRUST really mean?

Well, like all above, trust has always meant different things to me depending on the situation, for a long time. Suffices to say, it did and not anymore. For me, trust is about empowering a person. That total and complete submission of your inner-core to that one person whom you know will never go easy on you. That unflinching understanding that can effortlessly withstand the shock of time and person. That unconditional faith that no one can poison you against. That is trust to me. It’s the same trust that would not make one believe anything against that person, no matter how convincing it might sound, chock-full with occurrences and examples and references. It’s the same trust that can empower you to stand up for your friend/family/lover. It’s the same trust that makes one’s life beautiful, meaningful and worth living for. It’s the same trust that sees us blooming through every single day. It’s that trust that we share, that we know is the most sacred. That is the golden thread that makes the fabric of trust in my heart.

And if I know you trust me, I’ll do anything to give the same and more back,

 and if you break mine, I won’t throw stones or stab with words,

I will just walk away – never, ever to turn back.

About the perfect brother and sister.

I wonder if you have read about what Babi and I had written about our siblings before we got married.
If no, or yes - but with a muffled memory, click here : Babitha & Shibu - Wedding Website.

Well, my point (apart from showing off our potential in making that beautiful site, in a time when these kind of facilities were new and scarce) is that we truly are blessed.

We found love, understanding and support in these two characters. In a world where everything is tainted and tarnished, we have with us these two siblings who can call a spade a spade and yet be with us through all the highs and lows that life has to offer.

Sometimes I have this overwhelming feeling thinking about the many affectionate things they both have done individually or with their spouses to bring a big smile on our faces yet every time I sit down to document that, it fizzes away like champagne bubbles. Not because I forget about it, but as I recap those events, every single event is like a happy movie - running down in front my eyes and I lose the mood to write.

So, I just want to put into record that Babi and I are the most luckiest and happiest to have the bestEST siblings that one could wish for in the whole wide world. And thank you both of you, for being the perfect examples for what a brother or sister should really be, and being our life-long support and entertainment network. And most importantly  for being there. Even when the whole world have turned their backs. Always, and every time.


Hugs, kisses and love.

When words cant express.

Yesterday, there was a guest in our tent. My tent-mate, Mohit’s batch mate he was. While we caught up on various things, we touched the topic- family. Suddenly, my tentie (Def: If room-mate is roomie, then tent-mate is tentie, no?) confessed something that makes me write today. He said – “after I read sir’s blog, I want to have babies too. And that coming from me – from someone who wants to delay that as much as possible.”

I responded – “it is one of the best things that happened to me and I am sure it’ll be the same for you.” And then I realised that it gives no justice to what I actually wanted to convey.

When I count the priceless blessings in my life, there is a special place that my family consumes. And that also happens to be the major part of the pie. My wife, my parents, my brother, my in-laws, my son, my pets, my friends, and every bit of each one of them.

If my words can bring this influence to someone who has read it, I can’t imagine how transformed he would be after he has a glimpse of what I truly feel and what goes on inside my head and heart in relation to things I have written, and that I yet have to. Sometimes, many times ,words fail to fully express what we actually feel. Words cannot fully live up to narrate the moment that we lived or the feeling we are living. And we write, and re-write and think and feel helpless fishing for that one word that can fully explain our state. That word which could put detail to our “flung into the heavens” kind of feeling.

But sometimes, I think, it is also important to just feel all that in that secret place inside of you. Protected. Treasured. Pampered. Because that pocketful of feelings is what is yours and will always be – till the end of time, even after you can talk or write no more. That feeling that is yours and that which you can’t explain – sigh!

(PS: And it is with reason why I call Babi my heart-keeper. Because to her I don’t need to write or tell any of the matters of the heart. She just knows. And she knows it all.)

Hello there!!

Hi everyone.

Its been a long break for me. Been busy with a million things. But all amazing and totally worth it. These last days I got to spend with my son - the BEST in the world.

So many news to share - shall do all that, maybe back-dated. And thanks for writing and asking about new posts. It was great to read.

For that one question somebody (anonymous) send "Don't see any more posts? Has life ended post-parenting?". Well, here is your answer - I think my life has just begun.

Will be writing soon, about all that I missed telling all of you, starting today.

Love and luck,

Me.